Wendy’s In Gurgaon, Dinanath Batra Demands Ban!
What happened when the fast food chain Wendy’s opened shop in Gurgaon?
US-based fast food franchise Wendy’s opened up its first branch in the booming city of Gurgaon, leading to a massive backlash from Hindutva groups. At the forefront was educational activist Dinanath Batra who alleged that this was an insidious attempt by Ms. Doniger to poison the minds of the Jat community.
Ms. Doniger furiously denied the allegations: “This is a serious infringement on National Food Security Act of 2013 & Article 47 of the Constitution”. When pointed out that Mr. Batra had not asked for a ban, Ms. Doniger pooh-poohed the suggestion: “It may not be a ban technically. But we have been asked to pulp our tomatoes, which amounts to the same thing”
Mr. Batra, however, is not one to take “no” for an answer. He cited numerous violations by Wendy: “Freedom comes with reasonable restrictions. Her cookbook, titled The Hindu food: An Alternative History contains numerous phallusies. It uses Marxian categories & Freudian psychoanalysis to deconstruct India’s 5000 year culinary heritage”. A few excerpts:
- Drumstick Sambhar: How Hindu males compensate
- Avial: an erotic group medley in a slowly simmering flame of passion
All this was still OK. But she certainly crossed a line when she intentionally misspelled a Chennai Buhari innovation as Chicken 69.
Ms. Doniger was equally combative: “There is a larger issue at stake here. It’s the untold story of a dietary battle between the Brahmins & Subalterns. India’s Hindu elites have always oppressed the foods preferred by the common folk. Observe how the Jains look upon onion & garlic with disdain, due to these vegetables’ ahem, ahem, stimulating qualities! If you want to know how the average upper-caste Hindu treats his plants, look no further than Gadkari’s garden!”
Wendy’s planning to go on a nationwide campaign to promote her brand and has hired Rajma Curdesai as publicist. Rajma remarked: “The way to the Indian palate is through the menu card. We will blitzkrieg through the country with a 1000 menu-launches. I have secured bipartisan support in this endeavor. Our tagline will be: You want to know what we serve? Read my menu! Good night. Shubh Ratri”.